When I was a child I was painfully shy, I only ever spoken to people I was familiar with or only spoke when I was spoken to. Other than that, i would rarely utter a word.
And although I’ve grown out of that painfully shy stage in my life, I am still very much an introvert. I tend to keep myself to myself, I’m rarely ever the loudest person in the room (unless I’m drunk or arguing😂) and I still find many social interactions awkward (although I’m working on this & is dying more and more the older I get).
I’d say that I am an introverted extrovert. I’m like full time introvert and part time extrovert if that makes any sense. I love staying indoors wrapped up in a blanket with a bag of malteasers watching documentaries till 4am not talking to anyone but I also love going out with my friends and meeting new people and partying till I physically can’t feel my legs or know what day it is. Yeah there’s no in between lol.
I used to think being an introvert was such a sh*tty trait of mine and used to google things like ‘how to be an extrovert’ and I used to stress myself out till the point sometimes I’d cry because id think why am I an introvert and everyone else is not? How am I supposed to be successful as an introvert and have social anxiety? How am i going to find love if I’m this introverted? My life is over. And I genuinely believed that. I believed I couldn’t possibly live a ‘normal’ life as an introvert.
Until in my first year of university I attended a workshop for introverts and it was completely full, with people who could barely form a sentence without going bright red and that’s when it clicked with me that I’m not the only introvert and that is my personality. Why do I want to be the loudest person in the room? Who says i can’t be successful and be introverted? Angelina Jolie did it, Bill gates did it so why can’t I? And from that day on I began to embrace the fact that I’m an introvert and a socially awkward social butterfly as id like to call myself lol, because that is my personality, that’s part of who I am and thats what makes me special.
By stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things I’ve never done before because of fear has helped me grow as an individual immensely and I’ve realised how important it is to do things that scare you, do things that give you butterflies because thats when you will start to plant your soul seed, you will learn about yourself, your confidence will grow, your hobbies and interests will start forming and becoming clear. Nothing ever grows in the comfort zone.
Antonia Jade X